What Presence Looks Like When Life Isn't Beautiful
It's easy to talk about presence in the good moments. A sunrise from a summit. Kids ripping open presents . A long dinner with no phones.
But some seasons aren't beautiful. I'm in one of those right now.
The Guide Who Took Me From Beginner to the Top
When I started training with my guide, Todd Passey, in 2020, I knew nothing about mountaineering. He taught me everything.
He got me ready for Mount Everest. He climbed mountains with me. On June 1, 2023, we stood on top of Mount Logan together, the day I set my first world record.
My last world record came on June 18, 2026, on Denali, when I became the first and only woman to climb the highest and second-highest peak on every continent. I was guiding myself that time. But Todd was on the phone with me the whole way, running weather and giving advice. Even when he wasn't on the mountain, he was with me.
In August 2026, he passed away.
It's devastating. I spent so much time with him, and he was a big part of the last 6 years of my life. And I keep thinking about his wife and his son, who now have to go on without him.
When Grief Steals Your Focus
Grief doesn't stay in its lane. It pulls at my attention several times a day.
I can be doing nothing at all, and suddenly he's in my head. And every time, I land in the same place. He was a really good human. He did a lot of good in the world. And there's going to be a hole where he was.
I'm still figuring out how to sit with that. I don't have a neat answer.
Being Present While Grieving
What I've learned so far is that being present while grieving mostly means staying in the discomfort.
It means sitting in the not knowing. I don't know why this happened, and I don't always know what to do with the ache. I'm trying not to rush to fix it, explain it, or get past it.
Strangely, it's teaching me to respect life more. That feels sharper when someone you care about isn't here anymore to have the same experiences you are.
Writing the Stories Down
One of the things that has helped me most is remembering Todd's stories and writing them down.
Partly it's so I don't forget. But it's also for his family. They weren't with us on those mountains. They didn't get to see how he showed up out there, how patient he was, and how he could take someone from nothing to a summit.
I got to see that. Writing it down means his family gets to see it too.
A Rock on a Beginner Trail
After he passed, I went on a few hikes. On one of them, I placed a rock with his name on it along Bloods Lake Trail near Park City, a trail made for beginners.
That was on purpose. Todd helped me go from a beginner to where I am now. He was one of those rare people who can take you from the very start to the finish, and then beyond. A beginner trail felt like the right place for him.
Now every time I hike it, I know his rock is there, and I can visit it whenever I want. I hope other people find it and enjoy it too.
How to Be Present During Hard Time
If you're in the middle of something hard, this is what I'd tell you.
Honor it. Don't pretend it isn't happening or rush yourself through it. It deserves your attention.
Give yourself more space. Dial back your schedule. If something needs to shift, let it shift. The world will be okay if you do a little less for a while.
Find the good without skipping the hard. Look for the beauty in the person, the memories, and the lessons. Write the stories down. Make a place you can go back to.
Remember that life is a gift. Not everything goes according to our plan. But it still goes perfectly, and we learn from every experience.
Presence isn't only for the beautiful moments. Sometimes it's just staying with what's real, even when what's real hurts.
Frequently Asked Questions
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Let yourself feel it instead of rushing past it. Being present in hard times often means sitting with discomfort and uncertainty without trying to fix them right away.
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Yes. Give yourself more space, lighten your schedule where you can, and let things shift. Grief takes energy, and honoring that is part of healing.
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Write down your stories about them, especially ones their family may not know. A physical place to visit, like a marker on a meaningful trail, can also give your grief somewhere to go.
